Wow. Where did the days go? Weeks, even. It’s been five since I’ve written. I suspect I avoided the page; so much inner turmoil and stress. Now that I am feeling physically better, my mind wants to stir the pot some. Though I’ll admit, things have shifted significantly in the last month. Everything was so up in the air. Unsettled. Had the house meeting with my roommates, told them of my need to leave the wonderful home I’ve had for almost three years (the set-up just isn’t supportive of the new life I’m headed towards with a baby and an intimate relationship). That got us all spinning. Interesting how one person’s choices can affect so many around them. In our case, I think we are all off to our own very unique adventures. In my former life, I’d be the one headed on a road trip or overseas to study a foreign language. Whoda thunk!
But I am starting to get excited abut this being coming, looking so forward to meeting her. Yes, HER!- according to the high level ultrasounds I got in Miami when I went for genetic testing. (See how a gal can change her mind!). I decided it was safest for baby and I to find out if all is developing as needed to insure that my vision for an ocean birth is not irresponsible. The stats are good and results are negative. Baby bean is growing strong and tumbling about with verve and gusto. Marina is on board about Bimini. I feel a deep kinship with her, as if we go back many lifetimes.
And Rob, he is finally here, as of a few days ago, after a bit of sudden cold feet about wanting to come here and thinking perhaps it would be best if I went up there. It’s no wonder I’ve avoided the page- so many moments of overwhelm. And waiting tables is getting to be unbearable, which triggers all of my poverty anxiety. BUT- we have been blessed again by good angels who want to see us happy and healthy. New friends have offered their home for the next six months while they head back North- a wonderful, bright and spacious home in which to finish growing this being, give birth and have a month still to rest before re-launching out into the sky. All things are possible.
So much can happen in such a short time. It’s a good reminder to hang in there when one is waiting for things to shift into a better space. Patience is a virtue, as they say. And a positive attitude can do true wonders. This is what I’ve been focusing on- keeping my vibration high and my sense of self clear and light. Surrounding myself with the same, and making choices that support this. I want to be as conscious as possible about all the energy that comes through me as I know it will affect the baby. It’s amazing that it took getting pregnant to better learn how to be conscious.
So even though my boobs kill and I grunt every time I change positions, even though I can only poop every three days and must resist the urge to eat donuts (yes, that urge has arrived) and stick to avocados and cucumbers and berries to quench my cravings, I am happy to see this belly growing, happy to do headstands in yoga and feel her tumbling around in there, not caring which end is up.
