a mamma in the making

Thursday
May 15, 2008

Yesterday I bought a hula-hoop. With all that’s going on, yes, I want to start this blog off with a purchase of a yellow plastic ring in which I intend to set spinning a little bit each day. There is something about the spiral that will keep me physically connected to that part of my body. As it is now, I’ve been quite protective of this bump growing, isolating it as it’s own entity. While she is certainly making her presence known with her own stretches and jabs, it seems important to integrate our physical selves together while we are so intricately connected. Not only to strengthen our connect, but to remind myself of those muscles and organs in that area so I will keep astute to their messages. I also suspect it will help with the labor and birth to tune those cells up to the spiral vibration. So three cheers for a hula-hoop.

We have moved into our new space, which is bright and airy and lovely… much like Sharon, who owns it with her husband Larry. Two generous and dynamic people who remember the heart essence of being despite their tremendous success in the world. Sharon-a photographer extraordinaire, Pulitzer prize winning photojournalist and super-woman of all sorts. Larry- a genius with a creative mind to boot, with his own publishing company and talent with a paintbrush.

I am still so in awe of this tremendous gift- a clean, quiet home in which to focus on all things positive while we mentally, physically and spiritually prepare for this baby to come. It also allows me to tend to my other “baby” that gets neglected for other projects all too often. (Why do I do that? Self sabotage? Fear that it won’t be any good? I suspect I am somewhat afraid of some of the truths that will bubble up around my feelings about my father, about growing up, about becoming a mother- all perfect reasons to keep moving forward…). I am committed to finishing one hundred fires before September 1st; Sharon has offered to show it to her agent if I do— an offer too good to ignore. So begins my “job” for the next 3 months. Ah, the task of self-discipline!

It get the sense that this will be good preparation for me to learn how to be both mother and artist/writer/dancer, too, by being committed to finishing this work before her arrival. I hear so many stories about how there is no time for yourself when a baby comes, never mind time to commit to your art. I don’t want to disrespect anyone’s experience with their infants, but I hope to be able to do things differently. Maybe I am dreaming. But then again, maybe it’s all a matter of mind-set, of believing one can manifest all that one asks for if it is for the greater good of all involved.