Saturday
May 31, 2008
Another rough round of weeks, with moving and cleaning and learning how to relate under the pressure of so many stresses. Again, I’ve avoided the page, not wanting to dig too deep or explore my emotion. Tsk tsk. Would be well worth it next time to just be brave, willing to expose some of the truth that could well help ease some of the anxiety. I suppose I am trying to lend something to the statement of “whatever you focus on will grow…” wanting to believe that if I keep positive, the heavy heart will dissipate. And it does. It also helps to get enough sleep, eat well, spend some time alone, do my writing and get or give a few hugs throughout the day. Drop the fierce, independent face and allow myself to soften. But somehow balance it all so I don’t become a blubbering, insecure mess. I keep reading that you are supposed to feel great now, and while I do feel physically better, I’ve been more strung out lately than I have in a long long time.
Some future subjects to remember for later writing: names, diaper-free babies, the dread of baby showers, waterbirths and the book “Journey into being.”
